I’ve barely arrived in Nova Scotia and already the first thing I hear them talk about is fishing. And a three pound bass. So great. I left early this morning, my first time really away from home, headed to Nova Scotia for two and a half months to teach sailing. Or actually technically run a sailing school. I get the fancy title because I’m the only one certified. Now I know I’m headed to the boonies. Small town and all. I hope I like it. Worst case I’m going to like the change and I’ve heard that the people are great, pretty hard to beat. So that’s super exciting. But I’ve been shitting liquid for a week. At first I thought it was because I caught a bug from Cuba. My sister was pooping liquid as well. But then after a little over a week, I figured it had to be something else. Nerves maybe? Obviously I’ve left home before but never for three months. Alone. I’m excited I feel like this summer will break or make me. Hopefully the latter. Currently I’m sitting in a little café -bar called beaches at the Halifax Airport. I’m sitting alone in an area that usually sits 4. At first there was no one here so I didn’t mind being a bother and taking more space than I probably should’ve but then all of a sudden that place got packed real quick.
Fast forward— On the plane. Halifax–>Baddeck
The plane was the shortest plane ride I’ve been in a while. Going up, then straight down. My ears popping consistently, but there was this nice fellow named Greg sitting next to me acting like a tour guide for me. He had the patience to answer all my questions and trust me when I say I had plenty. On top of that, he taught me Gaelic. GAELIC. That is amazing I love that Nova Scotia has such rich history and it is closely tied with the highland history. I learned how to say “hi how are you” and “I’m good.” Problem is however is that Gaelic is super hard to pronounce. Its very guttural. And I’m not even going to bother to try and spell it.
Meditating, yea I know. Call me a skeptic but I don’t believe in that stuff, like “finding your center”. Its not that I don’t think people need alone time, trust everybody needs to take care of business. But when it comes to finding yourself I don’t believe that it works. But then a good friend of mine, lets call him “Jefe” convinced me otherwise. I have been into some form of martial arts for the most part of ten years. Every time I walked out of that Dojo I felt strong, at ease and grounded. Jefe helped point out that for me, that was a form of mediation. It allowed me to focus solely on one thing and not be alone with my thoughts. I don’t know if it’s just me, but I hate the part of the night where you lie awake alone with your thoughts. HATE IT. Everybody needs a vacation from their own mind. And martial arts gave that to me. Jefe told me that he meditated everyday for fifteen minutes.
“It’s really hard at first, but everyday it gets easier and easier to think about nothing and focus on your breathing.”
Low and behold, everyday it did get easier. That same feeling I got when leaving the Dojo I now get after I meditate. I feel grounded, at ease and my only focus is to live life in the present without too much worry for the future.
The Future. The past. These are constant stresses in my life and I’m assuming in a lot of other people’s too. But in reality the future is constantly changing. No matter what program you go to school in chances are you will change field in the future. So why worry? Why not do what makes you happy right now. Because lets be honest, right now is all we have. And happiness can only be truly achieved in the present. Sure memories can make you smile and so can future dreams, but true happiness, that is in the moment. I’m still a skeptic about meditating, because I think that finding yourself is life’s greatest game of hide-and-seek. I do think that you can find happiness though. Grab it by the horns and make it your betch.
I have a dilemma. This summer I decided to make yet again another change. It’s kind of a recent trend of mine to get me out of this long slump I’ve been in recently. I’ve been an avid sailor my whole life, I honestly can’t think of something I love more than the thrill of sailing. After three years of teaching in the same area, I decided that it was time to move on. I applied to various places but have narrowed down to two separate places. One in Victoria BC where I would be an assistant instructor in an assisted sailing program, and the other in Nova Scotia where I would be the head instructor in a small sailing school. I’ve never felt more wanted! BC is beautiful and it would be a wonderful experience and definitely rewarding. Do you sense a but coming along? BUT 😌the problem is that the association in charge of hiring me hasn’t sent me a contract to sign yet and has not helped me find an apartment as they said they would. And I would be leaving in three weeks. Secondly, rent is ridiculous, so is food and so is the air fair. So I would barely be breaking even by the end of the summer. Nova Scotia I’d have a place to stay with the locals, the village community is great and so are the people. I would be the head instructor and that shit looks great on a CV. And I would probably walk out of there at the end of the summer with a small margin of profit. 🤙 Annnd here comes the guilt. I told them I would take the job and I always like to keep my word but they are making it very difficult to do so. So I might bail last minute but what else can I do? Pass up an amazing opportunity in Nova Scotia when I didn’t even get a contract yet?
What to do, What to do?
I have long since known that school isn’t the place for me. Not because I can’t manage it but because the educational system is completely outdated. Why do I have such a strong opinion about this? Because when going to school, you’re constantly told to think outside the box, to push the boundaries. In reality though how is it possible to think outside the box when every assignment you hand in has guidelines that need to be followed? How can one think outside the box when the guidelines of every assignment are there to make sure you don’t color outside the lines? Recently I handed in a paper following all the guidelines and supporting my arguments with facts, this should’ve been enough but the TA failed me because she did not agree with my opinion. Bit of a Dilemma isn’t it. Forward thinking is not achieved when one is limited to what they are allowed to think and not to think. Since the enlightenment period, our educational system hasn’t really changed. The world changes around us yet we refuse to change the system with it. We understand more about human behavior; that everybody learns at different speeds and especially that everyone learns in different ways. I’ve been told many times that I should take Ritalin and I have, just without a prescription. But i think it is really sad that the only way I am able to get through an assignment is by popping a ritalin pill, effectively dulling my senses and turning myself into a zombie. How is that the solution? We should be nurturing our childish creativity and divergent thinking instead of subduing ourselved into a single train of thought.
As clearly stated this is my first post, so be gentle. The purpose of starting this blog was to find a creative outlet for myself. My blog will simply be a way for me to state my thoughts and opinions online. I started journaling when I was eight years old, I’ve always loved writing. Recently my friend suggested I start a blog and share my thoughts. To be honest it is slightly scary to put your thoughts and feelings out there but life is all about risk, amiright? I chose the name Life, Liquor and Liabilities because the moment I said it out loud I got those little shivers in my stomach that tells me it feels right. That says a lot about my character, doesn’t it? It’s a vague topic but that’s what my Blog will be about. As I keep writing who knows, my topic might become more specific, but that’s part of the creative process isn’t it. Just write the first thing that comes to mind, make it raw.
After living on my own for nearly five months now, I have moved back into my parents’ place. Now usually this is a great thing but I lived with real-life neanderthals. That’s right, though thought extinct they are very much alive and posed as my roommates. In the beginning, things were great, I mean which young adult doesn’t love the thrill of moving out and tackling life on your own. The beginning of our first steps into independence, and a big “I’ll show you” moment. Low a behold it was worse. To be fair I stupidly chose to live with two guys who would soon turn our apartment into a trap house. Like the ones from those pretentious douches from rap videos. For example, I, being a student was trying to be responsible, I hate school enough as it is so let’s not make it worse by surrounding yourself with idiots amiright? Wellll fak. Waking up at 10am to find a bunch of random smelly dudes doing lines in your living room doesn’t exactly inspire the term “responsibility” or “healthy living environment”.
To be fair, I’m no Mother Mary either. Working at a bar has its perks, but free alcohol is definitely not one of them. I mean it is, but then it gets old. I came home drunk after work more often than not, the difference is, however, I’m still a FUNCTIONING borderline alcoholic. They would smoke-no joke- an average of 5-6 joints a day, couple that with a few MDMA pills and top it off with some shrooms and you got yourself one mind-fuck cocktail.
In the beginning, I would clean regularly, but then at some point, I gave up. You know those dreams where you’re trying your hardest to run but you just can’t seem to make yourself run faster? Your palms sweat, heart beats faster, you think “push push push” but nope. Nada. That’s what cleaning that apartment felt like. You’re thinking; “why didn’t you just talk to them about it like civilized people?” Well dearest, I did, but it’s kind of hard when the person you are talking to is convinced that reality isn’t a thing and that everything and everyone is just a figment of your imagination. Time to lay off the drugs? That shit must look like swiss cheese. I guess the whole point, is that maybe moving in with people who you thought you knew isn’t the best idea. Because once you live with them there’s a good chance it’ll ruin your friendship. 🤦🏼♂️